he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
