i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I believe in your delicious
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
