this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
