I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
