id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
