I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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