I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
