alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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