So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Say something about gay babies.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
