I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
