just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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