1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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