I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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