my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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