Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
