My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
