im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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