Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize