I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
