I wish my penis had an off switch
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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