Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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