I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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