I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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