I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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