I seem to have left my pride at pride
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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