are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
