I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
