don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
