dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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