Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
