i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
