Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
