This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
