Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize