i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
