So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
