Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
