don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
