dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
