she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
