woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
