a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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