So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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