So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
