I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
