Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
