Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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