you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
