im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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