WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
