So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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