I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
