It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
