Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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