We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize