She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
