found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
