my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
