Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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