Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
