The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
