Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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