tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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