pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
there is glitter all over my balls
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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