Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
