Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
