I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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