New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
