also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
