You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize