Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
