It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
