i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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