It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
