Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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