I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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