I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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