if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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