I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
