no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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