I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
