Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
