Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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