Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
