What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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