there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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