i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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