She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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