News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
