There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
