Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
