im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
