Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
